Male Predators

We all know they're out there but to the average teenager like me, they're mostly seen as near-fictional characters in the newspaper or TV. That is until, they come knocking on our doors...

It is only then we would finally acknowledge their existence. For some unlucky ones, we only come to acknowledge their existence as predators when it is too late.

The following post recounts how I managed to escape a predator. I'm sharing this personal experience to warn girls out there to be careful as well as warn predators out there that I ain't that dumb and my friends are hell smart. ;)

First Encounter

So to give you context, this guy is a CEO of an online marketing/advertising consultancy firm, a pretty damn big one to boot. I would tell you the sort of competitions his company sponsors but it would give his identity away too easily. However, if you're sharp enough, once you're done with this post, you'd be able to predict the sort of competitions I'm talking about.

Anyway, THANK GOD I had class. It gave me time later in the afternoon to unravel some very telling tales about this CEO.

Layer By Layer

The following is the order in which I unlayered his mask. I returned to his blog a lot cuz his whole damn life was recorded on it.

Mutual Friends

↓

Company History

↓

His Blog

↓

Recently Added Friends 

↓

His FB Wall Page 

↓

His Blog

↓

Other Blogs 

↓

 His Blog

*All this research took 3-4 hours.

So the mutual friends..

30 mutual friends as a reason to add me up? Plus, some of them being 'good'  people,  I thought "Why not?"

Company history wise...

They had a good track record and his projects were affiliated to some of Malaysia's Top 100 companies. I'm not gonna name them for obvious reasons.

After that I checked out his blog. 

Initially he intrigued me as quite the character. Sure, his blog was filled with scantily-clad women during his many partrying outings (up to 6 times a week cuz he's in the entertainment industry) but being a Psychology student, I found him an interesting subject. Did he have Histrionic Personality Disorder? (e.g. use of mascara & avant garde dessing style) How does he manipulate his prey? Worth noting his most popular post is a recount of how he advised a female friend of his to trick an engaged man to sleep with her. The moral of his post was

 "All men are easily tempted with sex."

Curious if he was still an active predator ...(a lot of his escapades were recounts in his 'younger days' and he looked 40. Later found out he's 29.)

 I checked his recently added friends...

Let's say things got a whole lot more fishy.

Checked out his wall and page...

Not much telling except that he seems to portray himself as a benevolent guy. He'd publish stories of how he helped people from rags to riches. Gave lots of freebies like iPhones, laptops, the likes.I didn't think of this at first but I now realize it's all part of a self-marketing stunt.

Went back to his blog again to further examine his behaviour and use of language

Checked what other blogs said about him....it was ugly.

Went back to his blog again...convinced this guy has potential to be dangerous but a good connection if kept at arm's length.

I mean, he added me out of business opportunities, right?

Close-call

At 12:26AM he messaged me.

I was gonna ask him "What's the difference between passion and interest?"

I was really gonna ask him that and did later. These kinda questions can tell a lot about a person's intentions. Question inspired by existential crisis which I already solved.

But ain't it fishy that he knew I was typing? That call lasted a good 20 minutes. How would he know I was halfway typing? Unless, he was paying special attention to my chatbox....hmm...

Our conversation went something like this...

"Wanna collaborate? What do you do?"

I told him all the crap I do.

"Want a coach?"

Ignored question. Told him a bucketlist of interests I have. (knew it was difficult to use this info against me)

"So err, you want a coach right?"

Depends. Why would you want to coach me?

" Find 50-100 people to get rich together and make a difference. Also, I feel good when my friends are more successful than people who are against me." (BULLSHIT MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Such benevolent connotations yet I'm pretty sure it meant 'make a difference in our own lives' which I'm not into. And HAH his blog indicated he had been cheated by a number of investments so he must be a bitter man and the latter confirmed it)

I see.

"Ok I tell you the truth I added you because you're pretty and ambitious. I rather surround myself with both rather than ambitious-ugly or pretty-dumb."

I see. Thanks.  (For unravelling your 'business' mask to reveal a 'sexual' one)

"Heard of the book Limitless?"

No, but I know you're gonna tell me you're inspired by it because your FB Page is '............Limitless' or something.

"Liked my Page?"

No, I'm typically apprehensive of men. Not so much of college boys. Easily read.

"Like my page la."

Lol wait la. Your wall is colourful enough.  (revealing vs. colourful. CONFUSE THE BUGGER.)

"Like it la"

Take no offence, I'm apprehensive of men in general. I've had past encounters before...

" What sort?"

The conversation goes on to me revealing bits and pieces of a past predator and perverts. Finally I led him to say

" Wanna know the truth? All men want sex. It just depends how much they show it."

I see. (Nice one. You just told me what I already knew about YOURSELF)

"What happened to you? You're too smart to get laid."

They made me angry at my family. I basically turned into a rageball. That's not nice. I love my family very much. (I went on to yammer like crap on how much I love my family until there was a lull)

I wondered if I had successfully got him off my tail.

So are you repelled?

" Haha, naaah. You'd have to be ABCDEFGHIJK for me to be repelled."

I see.

"Are you repelled by me?"

I'm repelled by all men in general. See, I'm still figuring it out but I think I'm a lesbian. I was bullied a lot by boys in primary school. (For the record, no I'm not)

Concluding Thoughts

Was I scared?
Hell, yes. Because I knew I was seriously dealing with an experienced sexual predator who had legions of fan girls (based on his blog) What makes him more difficult to run away from is the fact that we have lots of mutual friends. I know I will someday bump into him at an event or conference or something.

What did I do that made a difference?

• I thoroughly researched for hours. Some call it paranoia but better safe than sorry. At least it would prepare me for an eventual conversation.
• I used reverse psychology which is getting someone to do something by doing the opposite. In my case, I told him about MY past predators which led him to slowly reveal his own predatorial intentions
• I appeared cool and said nothing provocative/ too friendly
• I told the truth most of the time so that I lessen my chances of twisting my own stories. I only lied about being a lesbian. I don't know if this is even advisable but definitely make sure you only reveal information that cannot do harm to you.
• I called friends to double-check on this guy. A really careful male friend of mine told me he's safe but I still cross-checked with more.
• I had a past experience with a predator who used a similar strategy (mentioned up there). He tried to create a dependency from me towards him by appearing as a 'father' figure since he knew he knew I placed very strong barriers around my sexual side.

Did I bring it upon myself?

Possibly, for accepting his friend request. Now I know not to accept people until I cross-check with at least 5 or more friends. The two lucky points were my tuition class and the work phone call. Had I continued talking to him, who knows, I may have fallen into his trap. The phonecall gave away his stalking behaviour.

But I argue predators are everywhere

Everyone from the working world is gonna tell you that. While all this was going on, I had the support of  some of genuine working male friends who said "I'm so sorry you have to see all this now. You're too young for this." 

The only reason us teenage girls are so ignorant to all this is because we're protected behind the walls of schools and our homes. One day, we will need to be independent and that's where we have to fall back on our own forms of self-defence. 

I'm both lucky and unlucky to have one foot set in the working world, blessed to have gone through this before setting both feet in the working world.

Moral of the story: Trust no one but yourself and learn to defend.

--

Happy Days Ahead,

Hui Min

Antidote

"Great speaker!"

I've been described with many adjectives in my 18 years of life. If anything, they distinctly split into two categories - negative and positive. 

My confidence was nurtured by positive adjectives from an early age. I can't remember when it started but humans have a knack for finding answers, sometimes creating them along the way (right or wrong). My dad was happy to supply an answer.

" You were 4 years old and we were at a dinner party. I promised we'd leave by 10pm but I went on talking to friends so you marched up to us and yelled 'Papa you promised we would leave by 10! Leave now!' One friend was very impressed while the other warned me I needed to control you before you turned rebellious." 

In hindsight, the two men painted pretty accurate alternate realities I would potentially live out 14 years into the future. 

My dad was a smart man. He listened to the former and went on to replay this story at almost every dinner, be it with family or friends. He used positivity to groom me.

I relished every moment and could never get sick of it. It made me feel comfortable in my own voice from a very young age. I could sometimes be the only one talking at a table of 8-10 adults, the latter keenly listening. My favourite speech title was "I'm Never Getting a Boyfriend Until I Finish Studying". Obviously an Asian parent pleaser, and pleased they were. (yes, I'm actually laughing with some of you)

"Great speaker!" would become a hallmark bestowed upon me for years to come. (Truth is I was probably just a hyperactive blabber-mouth kid and most assumed it to be a good trait)

But Then

Of course, like every show performance- seated amongst the innocent crowd would be the poison-tongued critic. I got my first dose of poison when my father relayed to me comments from a man that to this day, I cannot physically avoid. 

" Your daughter dares to talk back to you. You better watch out when she grows up. She will be very rebellious"

Back then, rebellious to me was Marilyn Manson and being a child, he really stood out to me as 'Evil Incarnate'. The comparison left me in utter disgust. As time went by and the pounds packed on, as the need to defend myself from bullies thickened, that simple comment morphed into complex and harsher synonyms and would later cripple me with insecurities. 

Turning Weaknesses Into Strengths 

But hey, have you heard the story of the Snakeman in Australia? He's been bitten loads of times by the thousands of snakes he rears but somehow, he never dies. You see, because he has been poisoned so many times, they say his blood is like a 100-Snake Antidote.

I think I was 10 when poisonous words worked their way into me. I'm 18 now and safe to say, 'snake antidote' runs thick in my blood. But, it most definitely was a long and painful process. 

A friend of mine, Yu Jin, called it a source of inspiration so here it is, the 8-year formula in all its glory. 

Oh, and a preview to it too. Yes, that's my hand haha. C'mon, who doesn't love  twisted stories? :p

However,  I'll admit I hesitated initially. I felt naked and vulnerable exposing my dark past. I mean, what if people used this knowledge to hurt me...again? 

This brings me to the point of why I'm really posting this. To put it simply, a pivotal event took place a few days ago that's making me type this at 3am. Don't you just hate those inspirational bugs that bite you in the wee hours of the morning? Goodness, I can't sleep until I satisfy the damn itch.

I was called "A rarity." by Ms. Aida, a Psychology lecturer I met for the first time at Sunway University.

I swear out of all the adjectives I've been called, this has to be my favourite. No joke, I've been repeating the incident like a broken radio to my mom and dad for the past few days. The time when I appeared in the newspaper or when Najib launched an old project of mine cannot compare to the moment I was called "A rarity". 

Honestly, the term has a very, very significant context. Ms. Aida asked me what made me to be the rarity that I am today (before that, she put me on Stage 5 on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs*) and slowly I told her, "I think it was my bullies. My bullies made me who I am today." 

And so it was at that moment it dawned upon me that the dark stories of my past have become a bottomless source of strength. Bottomless because life is filled to the brim with challenges. Challenges that shape me for who I am.

"Wow, antidote, huh?"

"Antidote." 

Happy Days Ahead,

Hui Min

PS- This is Marilyn Manson

PPS- I now see rebellious as Steve Jobs 

Who used Apple to give The Finger to IBM, Microsoft, Google, Samsung, and the list goes on... 

and Vishen Lakhiani. 

Let's call him Vision because I like his vision for Malaysia. I remember him saying "f*ck" and then throwing his iPad at an event called Incitement.

oh, and Sir Richard Branson too.

PPPS- here's rebel me.

* Stage 5 (Self- Actualization) of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - realising personal potential, self-fulfillment, awareness of where potential is being chanelled to, seeking personal growth and peak experiences. Ms. Aida says I seem to be aware of what I can do for society and am doing it.

Starbucks

More than just coffee.

It's taken awhile but Starbucks has recently earned a special place in my heart. Not because they serve some decently nice coffee but rather , I've fallen in love with the soul of Starbucks.

Starbucks has been flirting with me for the past 9 months. His attempts weren't always successful though, especially in the initial stages where I felt y'know, the pinch.

I mean look- milk, sugar and coffee for 12 bucks? That's enough for a large healthy meal in college.  Why would I spend so much on a gold digger?

However, my really good friend and mentor, Kar Fei, is infatuated with Starbucks so bumping into Starbucks every fortnight or so was inevitable. As time went by, I began to enjoy Starbucks' company. There was something about the double shots of espresso that sent me on a euphoric high. Still, one must keep such addictive acquaintances at arms length lest one loses the ability to distinguish between needs and wants.

Definitely wanted to have fun, definitely didn't need it from Starbucks.

That is until, I heard about Starbucks' human story, so very human story.

The story of..

Howard Schultz

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." - To Kill A Mockingbird

Did you know? The current CEO of Starbucks (not to be mistaken as the founder but he did nonetheless revolutionize the ubiquitous franchise) had a dream, a vision for Starbucks. 

To be That Third Place in Your Life.

The First being your home.

And The Second being your workplace.

Schultz aspired to create a Third Place where the paths long lost friends converged once more, where family bonds were fostered and memories forged, where small pockets of communities merged to form even stronger larger ones.

That People Place- for the people, by the people. 

Of course, Schultz's integral sense of community-centred values was a result of his upbringing. His father was a lowly-paid worker who didn't enjoy the healthcare privileges that many Americans today enjoy. And so, it was his greatest wish to create real jobs where anyone could sign up. White, black, gay, straight, male, female, rich, poor- work 20 hours a week and you and your unofficial spouse would be entitled  healthcare privileges. Everyone was a Starbucks Partner and everyone was part of this colossal family.

Nowhere else in the world can you find such a successful café franchise with The People at its core. Their meteoric climb is staggering but volume has failed to dilute their values.

Heck, their values even hit our shores.

I smell it in the dark meticulously-brewed espresso swimming in my frapps, cappuccinos and americanos.
I see it in my name specially written on every plastic cup.
I hear it in every

"MsYauWouldLikeATallEspressoFrappDoubleShotNonFatMilkNoWhipCreamTwoSachetsOfEqualSugar" 

uttered like the flow of the high-pressured steamed milk, smooth and never breaking.

Heck, I sometimes feel like a Starbucks Partner myself.

So much so that, I've recently found my butt much too frequently parked nicely in their plush sofas.

In the Hartamas Mall branch,
"Hellos" turned into "How are yous",
"How are yous" into "How was exam",
"How was exam" into "Can I have your Twitter handle",
"Can I have your Twitter handle" into "When is your next class break"
"When is your next class break" into "Just for you"
"Just for you" into "Between you and me, I'll give you a discount"

In retrospect, my goodness, this sounds a lot like exchanges between two budding lovebirds HAHA!

Fortunately or unfortunately, this was between me and three of their baristas! And today, I had a nice chat with Faris about how SPM results doesn't determine everything. He heard my story, I hope to hear his soon. He said it was a long one.

Let's face it, I'm madly in love with Starbucks. It has so much sentimental value to me. I loved every meeting I had with Kar Fei because it always left me grinning ear to ear, powerful advice in hand. Looking back, I've transformed so much since I first met him in January and I'd like to believe Starbucks enabled that aided transformation.  #LOLSoundLikeBimbo

Nowadays, my #StarbucksMoments comprise more of me reflecting in solitude, breaking homework records, making new uplifting discoveries and many more! Every moment is a transformation in itself, be it small or big and I'm so glad to achieve them on my own! #WOOOO

I've become more and more introverted, in a good way. :)

"Gave in and had a coffee fix. Brain just couldn't take lack of sleeeeep. #BrainFart" I was working on something epic the night before!

Found some mind-blowing insights while reading in isolation. :D

Tomorrow, I will invest in a glittering Starbucks Tumbler so I can enjoy 2 bucks off & park my butt there more often  my future! 8D

Sorry la if this seems like I'm spending unnecessary money. I believe we need to enjoy ourselves sometimes and I personally feel like Taylor's College Sri Hartamas is an unconducive cesspool teeming with negative vibes. Starbucks = Form of Escapism.

Happy Days Ahead,
Yau Hui Min

Just Keep Walking

Hi.

So I decided to post (Note: Not restart blogging as I'm unsure of this blog's sustainability) because of this dude's words of encouragement 

Meet Bunny.

aka JJ.

Some of you may know I'm co-organising Selangor MUN with him and a team of students.

Some of you may not.

But that's okay. That's a story for another day.

Here's a story for today:

I am an extreme case for bad sense of direction. They say it's a disease that plagues most of womenkind but I'm quite sure not many suffer as much as me. 

Yeap, quite far from normal.

So on Friday, JJ & I had to visit Taylor's College Subang Jaya to check out the committee (debate) rooms for Selangor MUN.  Let me help you picture vehicle congestion in the Subang area:

Pretend the sheep are cars.

Finding a parking was like finding a needle in a haystack. Needless to say, we found our damn needle after going in rounds for >30 minutes... but we parked  far far away.

Now, had the destination not been in my direct sight, near or far, I would've gotten lost (almost daily prophecy). And I did. With JJ. *proudface*.  As usual, panic would ensue. We were already 40 minutes late for our appointment due to parking issues and we couldn't spare anymore time walking and getting lost.

Yet we did, and we ended up an hour late. Ironically though, the person we were supposed to meet ended up delaying the appointment by another 10 mintutes so PHEW! However, my biggest take-away from this mini adventure was something that JJ said

Just Keep Walking.

He told me this as we were getting lost. Being the worry wart I am, I couldn't help but panic and whine fervently "JJ, where do we go now?" 8OOOO. As if it were a matter of fact, he simply said "Just keep walking, Yau. We're bound to find it eventually." 

Well, he got his facts right- we did.

----

The past week has been really difficult for me. I'll be honest- organising a MUN conference is no joke and I just happened to surround myself with the most difficult of circumstances. We're the first independent MUN conference in Malaysia cuz unlike any other MUN conference, we are NOT attached to any particular academic institution. We're just a bunch of teenagers from various institutions, all below the age of 18, who hope to reinvent what we love and turn it into a tool that can transform lives. With that, we have no credibility whatsoever. We're just 'kids'.

And it's hard. The long hard journey has rendered me to tears so many times. But y'know what, I gotta just keep walking. Looking back, I'm glad I unknowingly have. There were times when the possibility of our dream conference not happening skyrocketed mile-high. I felt like the darkest hours had finally dawned upon me, that after we had pulled into so many people into the effort, I'd need to tell them "Sorry, I've wasted your time." I felt crushed under its weight and fell to the ground. 

While eating all that dirt and crap, it wasn't long before human instinct to survive kicked in. It began with a twitch...and then a wiggle...and then a thrust..and then a roll..and then more rolls!  Eventually, I'd roll over someone's foot and look skyward towards a helping hand. 

You just gotta keep walking, y'know?

Happy Days Ahead,

Yau Hui Min