Antidote

"Great speaker!"

I've been described with many adjectives in my 18 years of life. If anything, they distinctly split into two categories - negative and positive. 

My confidence was nurtured by positive adjectives from an early age. I can't remember when it started but humans have a knack for finding answers, sometimes creating them along the way (right or wrong). My dad was happy to supply an answer.

" You were 4 years old and we were at a dinner party. I promised we'd leave by 10pm but I went on talking to friends so you marched up to us and yelled 'Papa you promised we would leave by 10! Leave now!' One friend was very impressed while the other warned me I needed to control you before you turned rebellious." 

In hindsight, the two men painted pretty accurate alternate realities I would potentially live out 14 years into the future. 

My dad was a smart man. He listened to the former and went on to replay this story at almost every dinner, be it with family or friends. He used positivity to groom me.

I relished every moment and could never get sick of it. It made me feel comfortable in my own voice from a very young age. I could sometimes be the only one talking at a table of 8-10 adults, the latter keenly listening. My favourite speech title was "I'm Never Getting a Boyfriend Until I Finish Studying". Obviously an Asian parent pleaser, and pleased they were. (yes, I'm actually laughing with some of you)

"Great speaker!" would become a hallmark bestowed upon me for years to come. (Truth is I was probably just a hyperactive blabber-mouth kid and most assumed it to be a good trait)

But Then

Of course, like every show performance- seated amongst the innocent crowd would be the poison-tongued critic. I got my first dose of poison when my father relayed to me comments from a man that to this day, I cannot physically avoid. 

" Your daughter dares to talk back to you. You better watch out when she grows up. She will be very rebellious"

Back then, rebellious to me was Marilyn Manson and being a child, he really stood out to me as 'Evil Incarnate'. The comparison left me in utter disgust. As time went by and the pounds packed on, as the need to defend myself from bullies thickened, that simple comment morphed into complex and harsher synonyms and would later cripple me with insecurities. 

Turning Weaknesses Into Strengths 

But hey, have you heard the story of the Snakeman in Australia? He's been bitten loads of times by the thousands of snakes he rears but somehow, he never dies. You see, because he has been poisoned so many times, they say his blood is like a 100-Snake Antidote.

I think I was 10 when poisonous words worked their way into me. I'm 18 now and safe to say, 'snake antidote' runs thick in my blood. But, it most definitely was a long and painful process. 

A friend of mine, Yu Jin, called it a source of inspiration so here it is, the 8-year formula in all its glory. 

Oh, and a preview to it too. Yes, that's my hand haha. C'mon, who doesn't love  twisted stories? :p

However,  I'll admit I hesitated initially. I felt naked and vulnerable exposing my dark past. I mean, what if people used this knowledge to hurt me...again? 

This brings me to the point of why I'm really posting this. To put it simply, a pivotal event took place a few days ago that's making me type this at 3am. Don't you just hate those inspirational bugs that bite you in the wee hours of the morning? Goodness, I can't sleep until I satisfy the damn itch.

I was called "A rarity." by Ms. Aida, a Psychology lecturer I met for the first time at Sunway University.

I swear out of all the adjectives I've been called, this has to be my favourite. No joke, I've been repeating the incident like a broken radio to my mom and dad for the past few days. The time when I appeared in the newspaper or when Najib launched an old project of mine cannot compare to the moment I was called "A rarity". 

Honestly, the term has a very, very significant context. Ms. Aida asked me what made me to be the rarity that I am today (before that, she put me on Stage 5 on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs*) and slowly I told her, "I think it was my bullies. My bullies made me who I am today." 

And so it was at that moment it dawned upon me that the dark stories of my past have become a bottomless source of strength. Bottomless because life is filled to the brim with challenges. Challenges that shape me for who I am.

"Wow, antidote, huh?"

"Antidote." 

Happy Days Ahead,

Hui Min

PS- This is Marilyn Manson

PPS- I now see rebellious as Steve Jobs 

Who used Apple to give The Finger to IBM, Microsoft, Google, Samsung, and the list goes on... 

and Vishen Lakhiani. 

Let's call him Vision because I like his vision for Malaysia. I remember him saying "f*ck" and then throwing his iPad at an event called Incitement.

oh, and Sir Richard Branson too.

PPPS- here's rebel me.

* Stage 5 (Self- Actualization) of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - realising personal potential, self-fulfillment, awareness of where potential is being chanelled to, seeking personal growth and peak experiences. Ms. Aida says I seem to be aware of what I can do for society and am doing it.